Rehana Ahmad, a fifty seven-year old house wife anda mother of three children often sits at her balcony and looks back at the phases of her life, "I actually didn't do anything important except raising my children. I didn't have job like my other sisters. My only focus was my home and I am absolutely happy for what I did till this very date.
Yes, I had to go through comments and negligence because of my 'idleness' but what to do?" "My sister Rehana was just like the other woman of our time, focusing on her family, raising children, but I was different; a bit ahead I wasn't just happy with a family life, I wanted more that's why I worked, assisted my family economically", says Shirin Sultana; a retired service holder.
Very often; a phrase is heard or said to women that "you are different than other girls". Sometimes women take pleasure by listening to this testimonial from a person of same or opposite gender, sometimes they take pleasure by making themselves believe in this 'other' concept.Even sometimes, they desire somebody will declare that, they are unlike than the other folks of their same kind.
The question here, which I am trying to ask is who is this 'other' one?Does this other has the same meaning and definition to everyone, or does it vary?
The answers that I have found while ground working for this article is that, nobody agrees to a common definition of this other'.However, the tendency of comparing with this 'other' is veryregular.
For a working woman, this 'other' is the woman who stays at home, does the daily chores, and raises children. People have a tendency that working women take pleasure by thinking themselves superior than those women because they consciously or subconsciously think that their contribution is more important for their families because of their economic base.
On the contrary, the women who are staying at home think themselves better because they are not like the careerist women who do not have enough time for their families. Interestingly, everyone has created their own meaning of 'other' to remain happy.
Now why does this happen? When people need comparison to be happy it means they simply cannot be happy by approving whom they are.
They try to find other's shortcomings to cover their own lacking.
"Well my boyfriend always says, he loves me because I am not like the 'other'girls,"saysEshita, twenty three years old university student.
Who are these 'other' girls and what makes you different than those?
On answering to this question, she replies giggling, "You know, I watch football and 'Game of thrones' and he thinks I am cool and other girls they just watch Bollywood movie and gossip. I love to watch Bollywood movies as well but I just don't tell him. I also learned some football player's names as well."
The problem starts when women desire to satisfy themselves and others by overly using this comparison. The problem starts when one section of women try to prove themselves better by looking down towards other group.
They simply forget the fact that there is nothing wrong to choose different ways of living. Not everyone has to cook three times a day or not everyone has to stay at office till midnight.
It is just a matter of personal preference about the course of living. Now a days, so many so called feminists think, probably cooking one meal for family is enough to destroy your independency or reading a fashion magazine can damage your intellect. These kinds of concepts are absolutely counterfeit.
"I don't care what other thinks about me. I take pride about my ways of living.
I respect every woman who is working to make my farm growing bigger, at the same time I respect those ones who have compromised with their career to make some time for their loved ones, their family. It's just about the choice, the time and priority.
And I respect their choices. We talk about business deal but we were also shocked when Pitt and Jolie got divorced." Tahmina Zaman; business entrepreneur.
What feminism says us is to respect the choices, be less judgemental about other's profession or ways of living.
Someone wants to wear hijab let her allow it, do not make a comment that she is doing it out of fashion may be she is really trying to follow that from her heart; you don't know her story, someone wants to dance in Bollywood music, let her dance, someone wants to put lovey-dovey kinds of status just don't laugh.The moral is --- just try to be a bit less judgemental as long as people are happy with their choices.
Feminism never creates a barrier rather it opens up the horizon. Let the women love their pink and purple. It is okay to be happy when someone pays your restaurant bills or buys a present.
It is alright to gossip sometimes, to get excited over her man's money because it thrives her to achieve some for herself as well.
Let's not get too rigid to celebrate the fixations that society puts on us to describe women.
If we women cannot acknowledge and respect our choices how come we expect the society will respect us? There are more important issues need to address rather than creating the myth of "other". Let's celebrate the divergence together.
The writer is a Customer Service Member, Coles Group Sydney, Australia.
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